Anxiety Anyone?

Nothing zaps more energy than a severe anxiety attack. Not only does it zap your energy, but these "attacks" take away the core of your personality and slowly nibble away at your opportunities for success.

I'm sure you've heard the saying "Enjoy the moment......life is so short" ~ or ~ "Time goes by so fast ~ enjoy every moment you have". As you grow older, you find yourself repeating those phrases often to remind you to slow down, breathe, and "enjoy the moment".

However, trying to utilize those infamous phrases during a severe anxiety attack is virtually impossible for many people.

I'm a mother of five children, happily married, and running my own business. To the outside world, I may seem as if I'm okay. However, those that know me personally know that I suffer from severe anxiety/panic disorder. I have kept any and everyone at a distance due to my anxiety.

I cannot even count the times I've cut people out of my life and they were left clueless as to why I suddenly vanished from existence.

One of my children often mentions "Mom has no friends". My excuse is that I'm too busy to have friends, which is partly true. However, the reality of the situation is that I'm too private, introverted, and anxiety-ridden to open the door to any friendships. I can honestly say that there has only been ONE friend I've ever let in and we drifted throughout the years due to college, marriage, and raising children. We are states away, but she is never far from my heart as she was the only one I've ever let into my emotional life and she seemed to understand and accept me regardless.

Anxiety is my enemy! It catches me at times when I'm totally unprepared. I could be driving, in the grocery store, or just relaxing in the comfort of my own bed. It completely takes over my body and mind. It's like a wave of "death" taunting me with it's evil motives and frightful images. It literally consumes my whole being. It's a daily battle. It's like spiritual warfare conveniently using my mind and body for a combat zone. If I were not a Christian, I feel I would have lost this battle long ago.

If I could just go through one day without some sort of worry I would celebrate! From worrying about children in other countries, wars, natural disasters, and the fate of our political system to silly worries such as if my food is safe from terrorists tampering with packaging. I think about things others don't even think about and I've probably put terror into my children and their friends by mentioning horror stories about the effects of drugs, the reality of predators,, and the effect of harmless "horseplay" that can turn fatal. However, I feel they should be warned of these things for their own well-being. But at the same time, I OVER-DO worries and I sure don't want them to fret about everything like I do.

I want to find that fine line. I want to inform them without freaking them out. It's very tricky for me.

I wanted to hide my panick attacks from my children, but it was virtually impossible once they were forced to witness one in full swing. They have now seen a few and I'm sure it freaks them out a bit. I do keep silent if I'm having one and they are present. If one hits me when they are not around, but my husband is..........well, my fears come out physically and verbally. When you truly feel as if you are going to perish from the earth, it helps when someone is there for you to ask OVER AND OVER AGAIN....."am I okay" ......"am I going to die?"..........."it's just in my head, right?"


This group literature is just beginning. I have too much to tell.........so please stay tuned and feel free to join. My goal is to help anyone else going through this WAR.